Affirming Life
Last week I recorded this video. My chest felt heavy and I needed to transform the energy so I cleared space and moved. It was a day or two before I cried all day and allowed myself the freedom to do so.
Today,
Burna. Cheza. Grief.
Today, my grandmother died. This morning. She was my last living grandparent and I, the first female to come from her seed. I had already planned on sharing @p.e.ptalks but this news was part of the kick that made me say 'do it now'. From this, I hope you'll understand that presently, the healing practices I have embedded in my life are paramount and every one of them life affirming and they are very simple things like speaking my affirmations to myself in the mirror, allowing my body and breath to respond to rhythm with its own flow, and of course, writing it out. The writing will take some time while I feel but this will suffice for now.
My grandmother loved music, as do I, and today I knew I needed it more than usual. Today, I danced in the rain amid the trees and the sky poured blessings on me while taking some of my tears to the soil. Mama's transition was expected and my tears have been floods on numerous days prior (as mentioned earlier) because she was in pain. On Wednesday I woke up and my morning practice affirmed that I would need to be going home and so I went straight to making plans. I possibly looked crazy af dancing in the rain earlier, but it was freeing. All this is not to say that I'm ok but neither am I not OK. Rather this says that I know how to cultivate joy for myself and hold myself while tender. I know for sure all the days won't be like today, but I am filling my cup so I can extend myself to my family and so that I continue to transform the energy of grief and move it through my body rather than store it.
I came home and wasn't quite finished affirming life. I watched a @ddxchannel interview with my zwaggy @fiona758 who further reminded me that our nature will always outlive any adversity and I reminded myself that death is merely graduation to another realm. I took in @burnaboygram's new album and these 3 songs resonated: Time Flies, Real Life and Bank On It. There is a poem in those titles I have yet to write, but until then I allowed my body to just respond, flaws and all.
This is an offering to myself, to grief and to the duality of life. My first affirmation today was “I am breathing and alive to continue discovering the magic within me”. There was also “God speaks through me; I am tool and vessel here to serve”, “I have witnessed the power of my intuition and will grow more confident in this being and knowing” and too, “I grow in giving and grieving”. I don’t know who else this might bring joy to, but in leaving this here I hope that both myself and the person this brings elation remember to come here to pick up our smile if it drops for too long.
CL x